August Q&A – Breaking Loops, Facing Fears, and Choosing Freedom

This month in the Q&As, we went to the places where fear feels bigger than hope, where patterns seem impossible to break, and where freedom feels just out of reach.
These are the places recovery asks you to choose again and again—even when it hurts.

Let’s get into it.

1. If dieting is harmful, what if my body size is a health risk?
Katie asked one of the bravest questions I’ve been sent: If dieting isn’t the answer, what is? What if eating freely means I become obese again?

Sweetheart, this fear isn’t about fat itself—it’s about what fat once meant to you. The judgement, the exclusion, the discomfort, the feeling of being unseen.

Here’s the truth your eating disorder never told you:

• Many larger bodies are shaped not by gluttony, but by years of restriction, binge cycles, trauma, emotional needs, genetics, medication, or poverty.

• Dieting and calorie restriction backfire—keeping the body in famine mode and driving weight up, not down.

• Healing starts with consistent nourishment, addressing root causes, and removing morality from weight.

When your body feels safe, when food is no longer the only place joy, safety, or control lives, it finds its own natural size—not the one you were told to chase.
The goal is not to shrink your body. The goal is to heal what brought you here, so you feel safe, empowered, and alive—at any size.

2. How do I stop getting stuck in the messy middle?
Amy shared what so many of you feel: I make progress, then slide back. It’s been over a year of looping. How do I break it?

Sweetheart, you’re not going back to the beginning—you’re stuck in the middle, where the rewiring happens.
In the middle, the excitement wears off, the body changes, the eating disorder voice gets louder, and old coping strategies call your name. That’s not weakness—that’s your nervous system reverting to what it’s rehearsed thousands of times.

What to do:

• Rename it: This isn’t “starting over”—it’s continuing with more wisdom.

• Plan for the middle: Identify your triggers and commit to one non-negotiable anchor—three meals and three snacks, no matter what.

• Interrupt the shame spiral: A slip isn’t proof you’ve failed. It’s old wiring firing. See it, name it, keep going.

• Stop aiming for perfect consistency: True consistency means you keep showing up even when you’ve slipped.

The messy middle isn’t a dead end. It’s a spiral upward. Each time you pass through, you’re doing it from a stronger place.

3. How do I stop saving all my food for the night?
One member shared their struggle: eating nothing until late at night, then consuming huge volumes of fruit and vegetables. Eating earlier feels like “opening the floodgates.”

Sweetheart, this isn’t binging—it’s delayed permission. Your body has learned it only gets fed when the day is done, the rules relax, and the noise quiets.

Change starts small:

• Begin with a “bridge snack” in the morning—toast, a banana with peanut butter, or yogurt and oats.

• Add before you subtract—keep your night meal for now, just introduce daytime nourishment alongside it.

• Drop the perfectionism—meals don’t have to be balanced, pretty, or home-cooked. They just need to exist.

This isn’t just about changing when you eat. It’s about reclaiming the whole day—not just the midnight hours—for living.

4. What if I want recovery but I’m terrified of weight gain?
Another member shared raw honesty: I want food freedom more than anything, but every past attempt has felt traumatic. I’m scared I don’t have what it takes.

Sweetheart, you’re not broken. You’re not choosing the eating disorder because you want to suffer—you’re choosing what has always felt safe, even though it’s hurting you.

Readiness isn’t required. Willingness is.

• Go “enough in” each day—pick one behaviour to interrupt, even if it’s tiny.

• Stop measuring belief—measure willingness. Ask: Am I willing to feed myself today, even while afraid?

• Make this attempt different—gentler, less extreme, more compassionate.

Desperation isn’t weakness—it’s proof the real you is still fighting to live. You don’t have to feel brave. You just have to not give up.

5. Why am I still delaying full freedom and clinging to compulsive exercise?
Katie, who’s already made huge progress, asked: Why am I still avoiding certain steps and stuck in fixed patterns with exercise?

Because research, reading, and preparing feel safe—but they don’t rewire your brain. Staying in “learning mode” is a form of avoidance that keeps you close to recovery without fully stepping in.

The next stage means:

• Asking if your “safe” foods are actually meeting all your hunger or just the amount you feel in control of.

• Bringing in fear foods.

• Disrupting compulsive exercise patterns—shorten walks, let others take the dogs, replace walks with play.

You’re not starting from zero—you’re standing at the doorway between management and freedom. The step forward will never feel ready. You take it, and then readiness follows.

6. Will I gain forever if I eat without hunger?
Claire’s fear: What if I never get hunger cues back? Right now, I feel full after tiny amounts and nothing sounds appealing.

Sweetheart, this is survival mode. Long-term restriction shuts down hunger hormones and slows digestion. Your body stops asking for food because it learned it rarely gets an answer.

The fix isn’t waiting for hunger—it’s eating consistently so hunger can return.

• Keep the structure—three meals, three snacks.

• No compensation—no exercise to “make up” for eating.

• Stay curious—sometimes food is needed for reassurance, not hunger.

The fullness, the disinterest in food, the discomfort—these aren’t signs you’re broken. They’re proof healing is underway.

7. How do I stop eating in tiny bites and saving “real” food for later?
Shannon’s pattern: intense hunger answered with small bites, never a full meal, saving the “proper” eating for later.

This is a freeze response—your brain’s way of eating without fully feeling the threat of eating. But it keeps fear alive.

The way through:

• Make full meals non-negotiable—breakfast, lunch, dinner.

• Eat before hunger becomes extreme.

• Use the mantra: Wholeness, not pieces.

You’re not meant to live off crumbs—emotionally or physically. Start feeding yourself in full now, not later.

You Are Doing It
To every one of you who sent a question—thank you. You’re not just trying to recover. You’re learning to trust, to rest, to feed, to take up space.

You are not broken. You are becoming.

And I believe in you with my whole heart.

Until next month,