December Q&A

Welcome to this month’s Q&A . This is an audio file only this time, limited by our platform's video upload size!

This is a space where your honesty, courage, and lived experience shape everything we talk about. These questions go right into the guts of recovery: the fear, the wobble, the breakthroughs, the moments where you suddenly see yourself more clearly, and the places where healing feels both powerful and overwhelming.

If you’re in the middle of recovery, or circling back after a setback, I want you to feel held in these words. Every question you submitted carries truth, insight, and bravery. These reflections aren’t abstract. They’re your life.

This month’s questions show just how human this process is: feeling lost after making big changes, seeing old photos differently as your perspective softens, wondering how to recover inside a busy family life, feeling guilt for wanting recovery, navigating perfectionism, exploring whether your needs are “too much,” and so much more.

Your story stays with you, and now you’re reclaiming it with clarity and compassion.

Recovery isn’t linear, calm, or straightforward. It’s alive. It’s messy. It’s a returning — again and again — to yourself. These questions open the door to deeper understanding, not because you’re doing recovery wrong, but because you’re doing it with awareness.

So let’s get into these questions with honesty and heart.
You’re here. You’re asking. And that matters.

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1. “I’ve made big changes in recovery, but now I feel lost and terrified. Why is it so hard to believe in recovery, even when I’m doing the right things?”

Sweetheart, this is one of the most human moments in recovery. You’ve taken real steps. You’ve challenged the eating disorder. You’ve started choosing nourishment and rest… and suddenly everything feels shaky.

That doesn’t mean you’re off track. It means you’re in the middle of rewiring.

Your brain built a safety structure around the eating disorder — familiarity, predictability, rules. So of course stepping away feels disorienting. You’re grieving old patterns while walking toward a future you can’t fully see yet.

This isn’t lost. It’s transition. The old wiring is loosening, and the new wiring is still forming.
Of course it feels foggy.

Recovery builds belief through action — not the other way around. You act before you feel ready, and the belief grows with each repetition. Every bite. Every rest. Every moment you refuse to go back.

And you’re allowed to borrow belief from people who’ve already walked this road. You don’t have to feel certain to keep going. You just need to take the next step.

Try asking yourself:

• What if this fear is simply my old wiring trying to protect itself?

• What if belief grows through choosing freedom, not waiting for confidence?

• What if feeling lost is exactly what healing looks like in the middle?

You’re doing something incredibly brave. And you’re not doing it alone.

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2. “I found photos from my lowest point, and I’m suddenly feeling sadness instead of comfort. What does this shift mean? Should I delete them or keep them?”

This emotional shift is a powerful sign of healing.
You’re seeing the photos with clearer eyes — not through the eating disorder’s lens of achievement, control, or smallness. You’re seeing the pain behind them, the emptiness behind your eyes, the truth you couldn’t access before.

That’s your wise adult self speaking.

There’s no perfect rule about what to do with the photos. Instead, check in with purpose:

• Are they supporting your recovery?

• Or pulling you backward?

• Are they helping you honour how far you’ve come?

• Or tempting the part of you that still longs for safety in smallness?

If they still have a magnetic pull, protect yourself.
Archive them. Ask someone else to hold them. Give yourself space to grow before revisiting them.

And start creating new memories — not “look at my body,” but look at my life. Singing, laughing, sharing food, resting, wearing clothes that feel like you. These are the images that rewire your story.

When you eventually revisit the old ones, meet them with compassion:

“This was a moment of deep pain, and I didn’t know it then. I know it now, and I’m choosing differently.”

Your story stays with you, and now you’re reclaiming it with clarity and compassion.

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3. “Is it really possible to recover while living a busy life with work, kids, study, home responsibility, dogs, everything? Am I setting myself up to fail?”

Recovery inside a full life is absolutely possible — and incredibly powerful.

You’re healing inside the real world, not stepping away from it.
You’re choosing nourishment with kids bouncing around you.
You’re choosing rest when you’re used to running on empty.
You’re letting go of perfectionism while life keeps moving.

Recovery doesn’t only happen during long pauses and quiet hours.
It happens in micro-moments:

• Eating lunch instead of powering through work

• Eating before studying

• Skipping body checking while doing laundry

• Taking a breath instead of collapsing into guilt

• Asking for help when the day feels too big

This is recovery.

Presence doesn’t require stillness. It requires intention.

You’re building a sustainable version of freedom — one that fits your real life.
And you’re already doing the work.

Ask yourself:

• If I truly trusted that recovery is happening in the middle of this life, what would I choose today?

• What tiny act of compassion can I offer myself right now?

You’re not too busy to recover.
You’re recovering while living — and that’s strength.

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4. “How do I overcome the guilt of wanting to recover?”

This question is so tender and so common.

Guilt around wanting recovery doesn’t mean recovery is wrong.
It means the eating disorder taught you that your needs were too big, too selfish, too inconvenient.

That wasn’t the truth.
That was conditioning.

Wanting recovery is not selfish — it’s sacred.
It’s an act of life.
An act of courage.
An act of reclaiming yourself.

Try asking:

• Who taught me that healing is selfish?

• What would I tell someone I love who asked me the same thing?

• What kind of world do I want to live in — one where choosing life creates guilt, or one where it’s celebrated?

Let the guilt be there.
Meet it with compassion.
And keep choosing recovery anyway.

Each time you act as if you deserve healing, the guilt loses power.

You are allowed to want recovery.
You are allowed to want more for yourself.
Because you’re human — and that’s enough.

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5. “How do I stay committed to the all-in approach? Is it still all-in if I can’t pause my whole life?”

All-in isn’t a protocol.
All-in is a mindset.

It’s not “eat everything perfectly and rest 24/7.”
It’s: Am I choosing recovery as fully as I can today?

All-in happens in the moment you choose nourishment over rules.
In the moment you choose rest over guilt.
In the moment you choose truth over fear.

All-in means:

• Returning to your WHY every single day

• Choosing the recovery action even when it feels wobbly

• Celebrating the small wins

• Being honest with yourself without being cruel

• Coming back after a tough day rather than abandoning the path

Perfection has nothing to do with it.

Ask yourself:

• Where am I already showing up with an all-in mindset?

• What’s one area I can lean into more fully this week?

You don’t need a perfect all-in.
You need a committed one.
That’s what rewires your brain.

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6. “My perfectionism around cleaning, order, returning things, everything being just right feels overwhelming. Does this connect to the eating disorder?”

Absolutely — and it makes complete sense.

These patterns aren’t weird or shameful.
They’re survival strategies from a nervous system that’s been running on high alert for years.

Perfectionism, hyper-cleanliness, needing order, fear of flaws — these often develop long before the eating disorder. They’re ways of creating safety when emotional life felt unpredictable.

They became coping mechanisms.
And when you stop using the eating disorder as the main coping tool, these patterns can flare.

You’re not broken.
You’re a human who adapted to survive.

Try getting curious:

• What emotion is underneath this urge for control right now?

• What am I afraid might happen if things aren’t perfect?

• What does my body actually need right now — comfort? rest? reassurance?

And begin practicing good enough in tiny ways:

• Let the cushion stay crooked

• Leave the cup in the sink for an hour

• Keep the returned item

• Allow muddy paw prints for ten minutes

These small acts teach your nervous system that safety can exist in imperfection.

The same root system that created the eating disorder created these behaviours. Healing one means healing the other.

You’re not too much.
You’re someone who carried a lot — and now you’re learning to put it down.

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7. “I developed an eating disorder in adulthood. Does inner child work still matter?”

Yes — deeply.

Even if food struggles didn’t show up until adulthood, the beliefs that set the stage began much earlier:

• “I’m good when I achieve.”

• “My needs upset others.”

• “I must stay in control.”

• “I’m lovable when I’m easy.”

• “My emotions are too much.”

Adult eating disorders often emerge when the earlier coping strategies — people-pleasing, perfectionism, achievement, control — can no longer carry the emotional load.

You didn’t choose this.
You adapted.

Inner child work helps you meet the part of you that never felt allowed to need things, feel things, or take up space.

Ask yourself:

• What messages did I receive about what made me “good”?

• How did I learn to earn approval?

• What did my younger self need that she didn’t get?

Your eating disorder isn’t a late arrival.
It’s an echo of the old belief systems finally surfacing to be healed.

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8. “I used to restrict easily, but now I can’t skip meals even when part of me still wants control. Why is this happening?”

This is a huge sign of healing.

Consistent nourishment teaches your body to trust again. As that trust builds:

• Hunger cues strengthen

• Metabolism wakes up

• Survival mode eases

• Your biology starts fighting for you

Your body is protecting you.

Restriction used to feel possible because your system was shut down. Now that it’s coming back online, it refuses to let you go back into famine.

The desire for control may still be there — of course it is.
But your capacity to restrict is weakening because your physiology is saying:

“No more. We’re not going back.”

This is progress.
This is healing.
This is your aliveness returning.

You’re not too weak to restrict.
You’re too alive to restrict.

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9. “How do I know if my ‘healthy habits’ are actually just new eating disorder rules in disguise?”

A brilliant and very honest question.

The difference between nourishment and restriction is intent.

Healthy choices become problematic when they’re driven by:

• fear

• guilt

• compensation

• moral value

• needing to “earn” good feelings

• rigid rules

Try asking yourself:

• Would I still eat this way if no one praised me for it?

• Would I choose this food if weight had nothing to do with it?

• Can I eat things outside this rule without anxiety?

When “health” becomes a shield for control, the eating disorder has simply changed costume.

Freedom is flexibility.
Freedom is permission.
Freedom is choice without moral weight.

Let nourishment be rooted in trust, not fear.

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10. “My brain thinks about food all day. I eat regular meals and snacks, but the thoughts don’t settle. My weight is healthy. Why won’t the food obsession stop?”

Food thoughts are an incredibly accurate indicator of whether your body feels safe.

Weight says nothing about recovery.
Safety does.

Food obsession often means:

• Your body still needs more food

• Mental restriction is active

• Your brain is still scanning for danger

• Nutritional repair is incomplete

Ask yourself gently:

• Am I avoiding any foods?

• Are portions still controlled rather than chosen?

• Do I choose based on safety, not desire?

• Does guilt still appear around food?

Mental restriction creates the same food noise as physical restriction.

Your brain will let go of food obsession when it fully trusts:

• Food is abundant

• Food is allowed

• Food is safe

• Food is not conditional

Feed yourself consistently.
Soothe your younger self (“You’re safe, there’s plenty.”)
Bring in foods you truly want.
Remove subtle rules.
Keep responding, again and again.

The thoughts don’t mean you’re stuck.
They mean your body is still healing.

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11. “My hunger hits suddenly and intensely, even when I eat every four hours. Why is it so extreme?”

Because your body is healing.

Four hours is a long gap for a nervous system recovering from famine.
Your hunger isn’t misbehaving — it’s protecting you.

Sudden, urgent hunger is your body saying:

“Please don’t ignore me again.”

This hunger is:

• biological

• protective

• a sign of trust returning

• a sign of healing beginning

• your survival system waking up

Try:

• Eating before hunger hits

• Bringing snacks everywhere

• Responding immediately

• Speaking to your body with reassurance:
  “Food is coming. You’re safe now.”

Your hunger has a voice because it finally believes you might listen.

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12. “I’m five weeks into recovery and still experiencing strong evening hunger. I eat full meals and snacks. When does this settle?”

Evening hunger is incredibly common.

Your body often waits until the nervous system quiets down at night to ask for what it needs.

Five weeks is early in recovery.
Your body has years of repair to do — organs, hormones, tissues, metabolism, brain rewiring — and that requires enormous energy.

Trust:

• Extreme hunger is normal

• Evening hunger is normal

• Ongoing hunger is normal

• Stability takes time

Recovery hunger settles when:

• Your body believes famine is over

• Your patterns are consistent

• Restriction (including mental) is gone

• Repair is well underway

Feed the hunger.
Meet it with care.
Let it be part of your healing rather than something to manage.

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13. “My skin is itchy and sensitive as weight returns. Clothes feel uncomfortable. I'm also losing hair and dealing with greasy roots/dry ends. Is this normal?”

Completely normal — and extremely common.

Skin sensitivity happens because:

• Skin and tissues are rehydrating

• Your body is expanding after famine

• Nervous system sensitivity is heightened

• Blood flow and hormones are shifting

• Edema can create tightness and itchiness

Support it gently:

• Soft, loose clothing

• Moisturiser

• Lukewarm baths

• Cool compresses

• Rest and nourishment

Hair loss after refeeding is also normal.

It’s called telogen effluvium — a temporary shedding that happens when hair follicles, previously shut down in starvation, restart at once.

It often looks worse before it gets better.
But it does get better.

Greasy roots + dry ends are signs that your oil glands are reactivating after hormonal shutdown.

Your body is coming back online.
It just takes time.

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14. “I struggle with knowing what balance looks like. How do I know what’s ‘too much’? How do I trust my own needs?”

This question goes right to the heart of early emotional conditioning.

Many of us learned that being ourselves — with needs, emotions, desires — was “too much.”
We learned that safety meant shrinking, pleasing, controlling, staying quiet, staying good.

Balance becomes confusing when your childhood emotional environment taught you that your needs didn’t fit.

The healing begins when you rebuild balance from your values, not old fear.

Try asking:

• Whose voice says I’m too much?

• Whose approval am I still trying to earn?

• What do I actually need right now?

• What do I value in this moment?

Let balance be fluid, responsive, human.

The goal isn’t to be “acceptable.”
The goal is to be yourself — with needs, emotions, preferences, and space in the world.

Your presence belongs here.
Your needs belong here.
Your voice belongs here.

This is what reclaiming yourself looks like.

Thank you for bringing such brave, vulnerable, thoughtful questions.
This is real recovery.
These reflections, these moments of clarity, these uncertainties — they’re all part of the process of coming home to yourself.

Recovery isn’t a checklist.
It’s a relationship with your body, your emotions, your truth.

Keep going, sweetheart.
Your freedom is growing every day